and im inlove<3

My friend has been talking non stop about this band for the past 2 months and i just kept yessing him. like yea im sure they are great blah blah blah. So today im super bored and im dowloading some musica. i was like u know what let me give it a shot. i did i listened to it for a little bit and omg i fell in love. they are escape the fate and they are amazing. and i think thats aout it...im going to go on and listen to some more =)

f***kin aye

This is going to be full of ranting and raving...just a warning.

SO today i had a math test, in a math class i should not have to take. I have been doing really well in the class thus far so i was not expecting to bad on this test. I spent all morning doing extra problems and studying and reading the text just to make sure.

now i get in the class to take the test and it has all if 4 questions on it....I HATE THAT. It's like get one wrong and already you have a 75. well, im taking the test. Question 1, done no problem. question 2 i finished. then i thought i messed up so i re did it and that one was done. so half way through now. i get through part (a)of question 3 and thats it. after that i blanked out. so now im pretty sure i failed the test. theres actually no doubt about it.

so now im walking to my car and thinking, there are 3 recitations for this math class, 2 that meet on tuesdays before the class and one on wednesday night. I am in the wednesday night recitation. I think that the test should have been on a thursday that way all 3 recitations would have met to close up any loose ends. It doesnt end there either, he held a review session. The review session was last night in the middle of a snow storm. leaving me once again with the short end of the stick because i do not live on campus and there was no way i was going to drive an hour in 14 inches of snow.

Basically i am just pissed that i probably failed this test, and that i might have a had a better shot if things were done fair and all the students had the same amount of preparation. that is what all these professors stress anyway isn't it. NO SPECIAL TREATMENT...or THAT WOULD'T BE FAIR TO THE REST OF THE CLASS IF YOU WERE AN EXCEPTION.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

=(

today i was told something that i honestly don't think i am ready to hear, even though i have already heard it. There is a good chance that i am going to lose someone very close to me. He is my best friends father and he is also someone who i consider a father. from the age of 2 to the age of 16 i spent more then 2/3 of the year in his living room, and he has always treated me just like i was family, their whole family has. I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle things if he passes. He was diagnosed with esophagal(??spelling??) cancer, which is not good. Not good at all. Its one of those types of cancer that it takes so long to find that once it is found its usually too late. i don;t know what to do and I'm a freakin mess...

"In Gods Name..."

As i am assuming most of these blogs will be inspired by, this blog is inspired by something i heard in class today. I am taking a "queer studies in literature" class and today while watching a documentary called Southern Comfort i heard something that made my ears perk. The film is about a group of southern transsexuals and is very interesting. (I highly recommend watching it if interested in gay studies) About halfway through the film there is a scene where an FTM (female to male) transgendered man is talking to his genetically female wife; they discuss her fears in making this film. In this discussion she mentions how she is afraid of what people would think and what some might possibly come and do to them "in gods name." this really struck a nerve in me. It made me think about everything that happens in this world, and how people do so many hurtful things in the name of god.

In my queer studies class we have learned about numerous hardships that the LGBT community has gone through in the past centuries all because it was "unnatural" and not what god had intended. I do not think that god intended for these followers of him to physically harm or in some cases kill another human being either. I believe that would be what most religious followers consider a sin. Obviously this is not the only instance in which organized religion has created harm. Just look at the priests who were molesting young boys in the catholic church, or the fundamentalist church of latter day saints who participate in polygamous marriages which lead to child marriages and incest. (All of which can be considered "unnatural")

Now, I am not saying that I am not religious, because that I am still unsure of. I think there is probably something out there somewhere. But who knows what. I do not believe in God with a capital G,or any specific god for that matter. And i do not believe in organized religion. I feel like it is possible to be spiritual and believe in things with out going to church and trying to convince other people that you believe in something.

My First Blog...

So, I'm starting this blog because i was waiting for my boyfriend to update his and i figured hey why not. I am about to start working a 2nd part time jobnext week while also taking on a course load of 18 credits, so I am assuming I will need a place to get things off my mind.


I tend to be an over achiever and don't know when to stop working. I think that all revolves back to my parents and my need for them to show me they are proud. ( Thats possibly the psych major in me coming out.) I enjoy evaluating people in my mind and most of the time my person of interest is myself. I pray to be successful and put way to much pressure on myself to succeed. Now that i am going to be done with my undergrad degree i am at a crucial point in my life; a point where i choose what to do for the rest of my life. I have decided that i do not want to go through with a phD in psychology, but i do want to have my phD in something before i die. Im thinking a masters in education or Clinical social work, possibly both. Then from there i will work slowly on a phD. Its just been a goal of mine since the 4th grade.


It's sad but when i was in the 4th grade i wasn't so much playing with my friends as much as i was talking to adults about college. I always wanted to go to stony brook, which is funny now that i am there. I also always talked to most adults about how i was going to go to med school at columbia university. i had high expectations. Obviously those plans have changed. Im just trying to show that i have always been this anal over achiever like I am now.


At this point in time school is my main priority, for the next 2.5 months i am going to pretty much isolate myself from the world and just work my butt off so that i can have a greater chance of getting into grad school. If i don't get into grad school i dont know what i will do, school has always been my life and as much as my boyfriend hates when i say it my success makes me who i am, and i pride myself on how hard i have worked through out my life thus far.